NARC 101: Should I stay for the children?
NARC 101: “Should I stay for the children?”
By Brit Morris
You might believe it is best for you to stay in the marriage for the children’s benefit however many experts believe it is best to leave.
According to Dr Karyl McBride, author of numerous books on the subject of narcissism, narcissist have a detrimental effect on their children. Living with the emotionally unhealthy parent can have long term damaging effects. In truth, children need one emotionally healthy adult. Research has shown that a child being raised in a home of conflict with a narcissist damages the child’s well being and self esteem. Residing with a healthy parent, even if it is just 50% of the time, can be sufficient enough to allow the child to grow up into a healthy emotional adult. If you stay in the marriage because you don’t think you want the child to be a part of a broken home- think again…..
Some negative impacts narcissistic parenting can have on children?
The child won’t feel heard or seen.
The child’s feelings and reality will not be acknowledged.
The child will be treated like an accessory to the parent, rather than a person.
The child will be more valued for what they do (usually for the parent) than for who they are as a person.
The child will not learn to identify or trust their own feelings and will grow up with crippling self-doubt.
The child will be taught that how they look is more important than how they feel.
The child will be fearful of being real, and will instead be taught that image is more important than authenticity.
The child will be taught to keep secrets to protect the parent and the family.
The child will not be encouraged to develop their own sense of self.
The child will feel emotionally empty and not nurtured.
The child will learn not to trust others.
The child will feel used and manipulated.
The child will be there for the parent, rather than the other way around, as it should be.
The child’s emotional development will be stunted.
The child will feel criticized and judged, rather than accepted and loved.
The child will grow frustrated trying to seek love, approval, and attention to no avail.
The child will grow up feeling “not good enough.”
The child will not have a role model for healthy emotional connections.
The child will not learn appropriate boundaries for relationships.
The child will not learn healthy self-care, but instead will be at risk of becoming co-dependent (taking care of others to the exclusion of taking care of self).
The child will have difficulty with the necessary individuation from the parent as he or she grows older.
The child will be taught to seek external validation versus internal validation.
The child will get a mixed and crazy-making message of “do well to make me proud as an extension of the parent, but don’t do too well and outshine me.”
The child, if outshining the parent, may experience jealousy from the parent.
The child is not taught to give credit to self when deserved.
The child will ultimately suffer from some level of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and/or anxiety in adulthood.
The child will grow up believing he or she is unworthy and unlovable, because if my parent can’t love me, who will?
The child is often shamed and humiliated by a narcissistic parent and will grow up with poor self-esteem.
The child often will become either a high achiever or a self-saboteur, or both.
The child will need trauma recovery and will have to re-parent themselves in adulthood.
Give yourself permission to really think long and hard if you are living in a home filled with conflict- you might be better served to take a courageous step and protect your kids and leave. Remember children need one healthy, emotional adult. Be that healthy adult. Get the tools today to emotionally detach from a toxic person so you can get clear as to the best steps you need to take for yourself and your children. I can help.
That’s it for today.
Until our next blog post stay strong and continue to educate yourself about narcissism so you can take control of your life!
